Guilty: This Whole Time
by fishy701
Summary: -Ember Island Players- "He left." Zuko and Katara share a revelation when Katara no longer thinks she deserves his kindness. "He left again and it's all my fault." "It's not your fault...You can't choose who you fall in love with..." -ZxK-


**Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: the last airbender. I idolize the people who do. I am not responsible for any trauma you may experience when reading this piece of purely fan-made fiction.**

EDIT: for clarification, I had not seen the Ember Island Player episode yet when I put this up! I wanted to post it because I truly think this was one of my best FFs so far. You may not think so, and I accept that, but I needed to get this up before it became and AU or something, and before I lost hope, so that regardless of the plot in the episode it would be up xD It sounds odd, but that's me. I wrote this based off the trailer. If it seems off, please forgive me.

EDIT 2: Saw the ep! proud to say, I interpreted the teaser right, then! I was right about Katara's feelings xD In any case, I did make one mistake. I am going to pretend for my purposes that the Katara/Aang convo happened back at the beach house xD THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS SO FAR!

**A/N: this oneshot came to me after seeing the Southern Raiders episode and the preview for Ember Island Players. It started out as a line "He left. He left again and it's all my fault" that I imagined Katara saying to Zuko after her and Aang's conversation, "Now is not the time!" etc.**

**I was kinda sad at first, because she didn't acknowledge the whole "he's like a brother to me" or say downright that she didn't want to be with him. So I twisted it a bit xD**

**So: Katara doesn't know her feelings. She's been brushing Aang off because she doesn't want to confront HERSELF about her feelings toward him. She thinks of him as a brother, but doesn't want to let him down. That's why she doesn't downright refuse him.**

**They are at the royal beach house on Ember Island.**

**After she breaks it to Aang that they are not getting together, he runs away. Takes his glider and leaves in the night, recklessly and childishly, and Katara feels like she shouldn't have refused him. She and Zuko have been close for a while now, since the mission, and she goes inside to talk to him about it. ("Sukka in progress" sign keeps her from entering Suki's room instead. LOL xD)**

**Anyways, the reason I liked this so much when I wrote it was that the theme and concept came to me as I was writing. This also happened with "Another Shot", which is also why I like that one so much xD It is the only time they really seem to come out right.**

**So here goes,**

**Guilty (this whole time)**

* * *

Katara slips through his door and shuts it silently before walking over to him and sitting on the floor beside his bed. She hugs her knees to her chest and rests her head on them, letting out a few uneven breaths.

Zuko watches her do this from his blankets before rolling onto his back again, and folding his hands across his ribcage. He waits for her to be ready. He waits for her to talk.

"He left," she says weakly. Her voice is shaking.

Zuko bites his lower lip, not liking where this is going.

"He left _again_ and it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault." He says, sitting up. He brings his legs over to rest his feet on the floor. He grabs her by the elbow and tries to pull her up to sit next to him on the bed. She jerks her arm out of his grasp and he sees her shrink against the floor of his room. He looks at the girl, curled up before him, subjecting herself to torture with her defenses up around her. She is not ready to accept kindness yet.

"I heard the whole thing, Katara. You didn't do anything wrong," he states. This elicits a miserable sniff from her and he knows she is crying. He almost cringes. His goal to comfort her seems to grow harder with each passing moment.

In a hurried movement, Zuko struggles out of his blankets and kneels down next to her, bringing his arms around her. She looks up at him once, with wide, sorrowful eyes, before he slides an arm under her knees and brings her off the ground.

She squirms in his arms, whining pathetically, and he dumps her onto the bed. She glares at him, moving to sit up. "Zuko! What was that about?"

She gets no response from him other than to sit in front of her on the bed, his back facing the pillows. He gives her a stare for stare. Her eyes soften with understanding.

He wanted them to be on equal ground.

"You knew it would happen," he states calmly. "He has to face this sooner or later."

She looks down at her hands, folded in her lap. "I know." The tears in her eyes start to gather again. His words were not comforting, but they were honest. _That's something, I guess._

"It was his choice to run away from it. Maybe that's just what he needed to do."

Her lip trembles. Her breathing turns ragged.

He uses two fingers under her chin to tilt her face up towards him. He searches her eyes, looking straight into them.

"Do you love him?"

She clamps her eyes shut at the question, letting the tears slide out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

She bows her head, bringing her hands up to wipe away the tears, saying, "Yes. No…I don't…" She keeps her hands over her eyes, letting out a shaky and defeated sigh. "No. Not like…like that." She bites her lip, avoiding his gaze.

As soon as she lets her hand down, he reaches out and takes it, fingering it with both hands. It is a somewhat childish gesture, but it is tender and consoling, accomplishing its purpose.

She lets a breath out through trembling lips and looks at him again; first at her hand in his, then her gaze flickers up to look into his eyes. _We are both children here,_ she thinks, _left without our parents._

He looks her in the eye and says, in a slightly strangled tone, full of emotion, "You can't choose who you fall in love with."

She gulps, forgetting to breath for a moment. The realization hits her. All the moments she spent with him since he joined their group crash into her: All the smiles, the touches, all the times he's watched her from far away, protecting her. Loving her. Her mouth goes dry and she blinks.

"Oh…"

It is his turn to avoid her gaze. He keeps his head bowed.

He brings her hand to his mouth and kisses it. His touch is gentle but voices more than he would dare to speak.

It makes her immensely happy, but she refuses to give in to the emotion. She doesn't deserve kindness right now-not at her friend's expense. He hears her intake of breath and lets her hand go, closing his eyes. He rests his head in his hands, propping them up from his knees.

"It's not your fault," he says quietly. She doesn't fully believe it.

"I guess not," she says breathlessly. He feels her staring at him.

He refuses to look at her. "You should go."

"Okay." She gets up off the bed, resigned, as he slips himself under the covers once more, and starts towards the door.

As soon as she reaches it, she hears his ragged sigh. She stops. She walks up to his bed silently, with no emotion showing on her face.

"Move over," she commands softly. He lets out a low moan before moving onto his back on the opposite side of the bed. She lies right down next to him, destroying any boundaries with the bold gesture. She wants them to be on equal ground.

She shifts around to face him and grabs his hand.

He looks at her. They both see sorrow in the other's gaze. They both know how the conversation will end: in tears.

She remembers everything they've said together, done together. Every silent stare he's given her, every insult he didn't snap back at, every joke he took without complaint, every time he'd saved her life, every time she'd saved his, every time she turned around to find him looking straight at her.

"You've been trying to tell me this whole time, haven't you?" she asks.

He closes his eyes and takes in a shaking breath._ Yes._

She shuts her eyes and brings his hand up to her mouth.

"I love you, Zuko." Her voice shakes and her lips tremble. Tears find their way out of her eyes and onto his pillow.

"I love you, Katara." He says it in almost a whisper. He pulls her to him by the wrist, wrapping his arm around her in an embrace. They both let their tears slide down their cheeks, knowing nothing will feel the same in their group again.

* * *

**A/N: Tell me what you think!**

**I tried to put the focus on Zuko's little touches and gestures, and how he was being really nice to her when she felt like she didn't deserve it. That can be cruel sometimes. I wanted to give them a bit of innocence, and I found, while writing this, that I kind of imagined them comforting each other, in a sort of compensating way. When their families fall out, they are the only people who understand each other, and since each has to act as a parent or role model a lot of the time (or I imagine it that way at least) they tend to let that façade fall and start acting more innocent around the other.**

**…Just a thought.**


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